Winter's icy fingers are once again tightening their grip on my little wooded home. Standing outside while Charlotte burrowed in the snow, I could hear the trees cracking and groaning, trying to be flexible through the chill of Windmaker's icy breath. I swear I could hear nature shiver and moan. The cold and weather has been relentless. Not so much the several feet of snow that was customary through many years of living here in Northern Vermont, but frigid and icy in the swath of winter it has brought us this year. Driving snow storms sending their white flakes no longer the norm, ice, below normal temperatures and high wind gusts are becoming more common.
Still, back in the warmth of my little country home, I find I am feeling a considerable amount of gratitude for so many things. Things that often get taken for granted or go unnoticed. The sound of the furnace kicking on bringing warmer temps to my frozen fingers, seeing the satisfied look of contentment of my children who once again have full stomachs, the dogs happily playing in the livingroom while everyone goes about their different activities. There truly is so much to be grateful for. Sometimes, you have to look around and remind yourself to see it. And yes sometimes we have to do a little digging to realize it when storms of chaos once again try to bury us under the waves of happenstance.
I am thankful for the new friends I have met this year that have brought a kaleidoscope of color to my soul.
For the outpouring of love and appreciation of so many, even when in outward appearance I am the Lone Ranger and my horse is tired and foaming at the mouth from exhaustion, and yet surrounded by hearts willing to share, give and inspire me to keep trudging along.
The sounds of laughter daily of 4 beautiful angels who have chosen me to be their Mom, and quiet conversations where they share their thoughts, hopes, dreams and trials.
That there are still people out there who will stretch out their hands in help when there are times that life seems too heavy to carry just on my shoulders.
That the groaning trees out in my yard have held firm and not given into the wind's might breath and fallen on my home or cars.
Yes I am grateful even for the trials, the difficulty, the upset and tears for they have carved a deeper design in the wood of my soul. I am stronger and more determined than I have ever been to keep moving forward and to never give up, even though it seems to me that even from a young age, that option was never on the table for me to sample.
I am grateful that even through losing so very many who are dear to me, who now grace the heaven's with their beauty, they still stop by and say hello once in awhile and just let me know that still, they stand near and can hear me. I appreciate the gifts I have been blessed with and have had further awaken since My beautiful Momma crossed the angel bridge, and I know that she is still teaching me from beyond the veil in ways maybe she was not able to do while she was here.
I am grateful that my kids trust me enough to screw up and work to do better, all the while knowing that I am going to make more mistakes as we go along. They love me anyway.
I am grateful even for those who have taught me the harder lessons by the roles they have played in my life. Without those lessons, I would not be the person I am today.
I am grateful that I know what hunger is so that I can appreciate being full. That I know frigid cold so I can intensely appreciate and enjoy the beautiful warm sunshine on a clear summer day. That the ocean is my one true serenity and I would not know that if I did not know the mountains intimately. I can appreciate that life can be miraculous because I have known sorrow and the un-miraculous.
Yes Life is good. I would not trade mine for anything in the whole world. And in the end, someday, when I draw my last breath and cross the angel bridge, I will be grateful that I have lived my life with arms and heart wide open. For now, I will keep finding my gratitude everyday. In digging through the rubble, I have found some fascinating diamonds and pearls.
yes, Life my friends, is good. And grateful will always be enough.
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