There is Irony on the journey

Just when you feel everything is aligned and you are well on your way to everything you work towards, the Universe at times conspires to remind you where you haven't quite cleared the dirt in the walkway.  Bam the monsoon hits and washes all kinds of old energies into the path and very rapidly you can find the mud terribly hard to swim through.  However, there are gifts in every single step.

Perspective is everything and if truly life is about the journey and not the destination, then we must revel in every step.  Not just the easy ones, but the knee deep in the muck-hard as hell ones.  It is our inherent nature to question where we are at and how we got there, but paramount to not get stuck in that process.  How do we avoid that pitfall?  I am still learning :)  One thing I do know that helps is stepping into a neutral place of detached loving observation of what seems to be shredding the fabric of daily life.  How did I end up back in the drink?  Wasn't I doing everything that I was guided to and holding the right positive thoughts?  Have I been grateful enough and helping as many as I could in service to others?  Step to either side of neutral and different things happen almost instantly.  When observing and questioning to the left side of neutral, there is sadness and despair.  To the right resides anger and frustration.  Stepping back in neutral and there resides answers that are non judgmental or mired in emotion.  This, is coming back to Center.  From there the unattached-to-outcome self can see yes or no I have done all those things without judging the self for that answers and see the way to clearly realigning ourselves with who we are and all we can be.  Here only can we observe and and make changes, and more importantly let go of our old story and ways of doing.  We can realize that yes we have done amazing work, but that doesn't mean the job is over.  Here we can put on a new pair of shoes that might fit the muddy path a little better and hold a better grip on the slippery path.  Guess what?  After we are though that we get to pick out a new form of footwear.

yesterday I had my first sound balancing session ( and did one as well).  Fantastic and so insightful.  What I learned was that some of the past experiences I have grown through and mountains I had climbed still left some residue for me to wash away.  Yes I have done the deep digging for certain!  I just left a couple of boxes to open and reorganize.  Phew!  One thing I realized is that I have not been completely in acceptance of help.  Yes I can and do in certain circumstances but not in all ways.  I still carried with me that I can and have to do it all filter, to the degree that reaching out for help in non material ways can still be very difficult for me.  Another thing I found is that I still carry is alot of anger, guilt and shame.  These are some particularly ugly filters that are a little harder to make clear or remove, but I know that I absolutely can and will.  Younger years filled with bullying and insults slung by uncaring hearts welled up and stayed hidden in my energy self, wreaking havoc from behind a mirror I didn't care to look into.  The best part here?  With awareness, inspection and some work, anything can be transformed and made pretty again.  Maybe not right off the shelf-pristine, but uniquely lovely.  A little spit shine is what completes the job begun so long ago. 

Today begins a new journey of discovery and some polishing.  Today I remember that often we need to polish the old silver to make it shine again.  Today I step into some new shoes and some beautiful new wandering through the present moment, letting the old wash away, leaving in its wake, a little more sparkle.  From my perspective, a beautiful gift has been given and accepted.  To stuff it back in the closet would be a shame, so I will place myself in front of the mirror instead of my back turned towards it.  Really, it is a great view.