Some days are easier than others.....This may not be one of them.

After awaking at 3:53 and laying there with my mind racing and ending up crying from frustration and mental exhaustion I decided to just get up.  Now, the thing is that I was so excited last night knowing I would once again get a peaceful restful night's sleep because I had backup here and would not need to worry for once.  I needed it.  I didn't get it.  Too many things up in the air and needing figuring out or intervention....too many worries and stresses.  So up I am and decided to write.

This is one of those instances where it all builds up and releases like a damn bursting open and flooding a whole town.  Eventually it has to and my eventually is apparently this morning.  The water first swells up behind the dam walls, then begins to wash over it as the water level rises, cracks begin to snake along the damn wall and then with a mighty roar the whole dam crumbles and the watery torment rages forward.  Yup that describes how it all began this morning and still....I feel like I am only half way in that scenario..I cried some but I am still trying to plug the holes in the damn with my fingers and toes as it tries to pour out a different location than I can possible plug.  Why am I fighting it and turning the faucet off?  Because I don't want to lost it completely and end up with my face looking like a bloated tomato for the whole world to see today.  I know it's not  GREAT reason but it's what I've got.

This is exactly why I am writing my book you see.  If everything I go through, or have gone through can help even one person to turn it around, or atleast find a fresher perpective then I would be so amazingly happy.  It is when you honestly pray for no one else to experience your experiences, or fall under the avalanche that you can most affect a shift on others I believe.  How can you teach, help, or understand something if you haven't truly witnessed it first hand, up close and way too personally?  I don't think you can.  Can I help someone see the light at the end of the tunnel in a situation similar to :someone you care about severely depressed and hurting, home and finance up in the air or in the crapper, job not working out and actually causing way MORE Stress than it is helping, having less than ZERO help and family around and going it completely alone and a thousand other things added on top of that that I won't even write about?  Dear God I hope so.  I wouldn't wish any of this on anyone.  And knowing how far i HAVE come certainly keeps me moving forward.   

Well my alarm will be going off in 6 minutes, and since I didn't alert it to the fact that it was not needed this morning I will go turn it off so it doesn't wake me up some company before they need to get up.  I don't think my youngest Angel would much appreciate the early morning bugle call.  Blessed day dear Ones, my thoughts and prayers are with you as I pick through this maze one day at a time and seek to grow and share that with others <3