My story is by no means unique. So many travel this road and I know in writing about my journey and learning I have the opportunity to learn and maybe shine a light in a dark place other's are walking in. Atleast that is my dream.
I am in a place right now where I am ready to hand it all over to someone way more experienced and qualified. In no way do I mean this negatively. Oh no exactly the opposite! But before I or anyone can do that we must reach a place of being done...done with the struggle, done with trying to make it work and figure it all out. A virtual leaping point or diving board is where I stand, toes hanging over the edge, taking deep breaths and releasing the fear of the leap.
With that in mind, I do not share this leg of my journey for sympathy or pity. I share it as a lesson in letting go of what no longer serves us and that I can ....YOU CAN, change the course and find softer footing.
Where I arrived at this afternoon is a place of being unwilling to settle any longer...not for one more second! No longer will I accept or settle for living in a place that at some point will be yanked out from under me, or robbing Peter to pay Paul. No longer do I accept that I have been in this financial hell because I am supposed to be and believing that is just something I have to "deal with." I am no longer willing to walk with my chin to my chest in resigned disgrace at having to walk into the grocery store with $10 to buy a bag of potatoes and a bottle of laundry detergent to feed my family and wash towels for them to use. NOR am I willing to look at other's full shopping carts and wish I was able to fill mine full well knowing that I cannot. I will no longer believe that I am unworthy of financial security or that I somehow don't deserve to make a living doing what I love and am meant to do instead of working 3 jobs just to barely pay the bills and put food on the table exhausted and stressed every evening.
Within the larger picture as the realizations and thoughts hit me, is that It is my Divine right to have my needs provided for without worrying, stressing, crying, panicking and continually going without and sacrificing.
What I am WILLING to do is release believing that this is just my lot in life, that I have always done it so it's no big deal. I am willing to change my core beliefs and along with them how I respond to these situations. I can choose to release it to the Universe and know that I will be brought exactly what is right for me, that will provide the peace I need to continue to focus on service and helping other's learn these lessons too in their own journeys. Today.....I let go. I am done feeling this way and I embrace the gift of handing it all over to my Higher Power, without resistance and expectation of the outcome or needing to know the way it will be changed.
How many are now so ready to let go of all the things that they believe or suffer through and instead, believe they are here for joy, peace and far greater things? For me I know the answer, for others I ask....are you ready? REALLY REALLY READY? Time to truly let go of what no longer is serving us my friends, no matter what those "things" may be. I offer my hand to you to hold as you let it go and dance forward. <3
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Autumn whisperings
Crisp autumn mornings
Cold starry nights
trees paint the landscape
with breath-taking sights
Nature takes a deep breath
there's a whisper on the breeze
bask in the beauty
before winter's heavy freeze
Walk in the sunshine
breathe in the air
there's nothing quite like
the fragrant autumn air.
Feeling nature's cold fingers this morning as I went about my morning brought a bittersweet feeling that washed over my spirit and reminded me to take in each sight....each quickly changing leaf. Vermont in the fall brings to mind the smell of fallen leaves, cool air and warm sunshine. This time of year always paints a miraculous scene in my minds eye as well as my physical view. What beauty and inspiration nature brings us. Sweetness comes in waves of color and the coolness of the wind, shortly followed by the bitter feel of winter's icy fingers. I am reminded that every season is a gift and has beauty and wonder, even when a particular season is greeted with dread. For me, winter is that harbinger of nature. I don't like it and I don't pretend to. I have said it a million times and will most likely say it a million more: I love fall but hate what comes next. I was born in the winter and one would think that would mean I would enjoy it more. that is not the case, but what I do enjoy is the smell of autumn. There is nothing like it for me and no words I can use to accurately describe it. There is a crispness to it and for me it not only fills my senses but creates paintings in my mind of change. Autumn is a time of year like no other. Nature begins to slow her breath and heartbeat in preparation for Her long winter's slumber. It is a time of "rearranging Her winter closet and wardrobe," just as we physically do. The smell of woodsmoke begins to permeate the air as we begin to hunker down for what comes next, and out of the kitchen comes the smell of comfort foods like Stews and fall baking.
Soon the smoke from the chimneys will snake across the sky and the leaves willfall to the ground, leaving the closet bare. But for right NOW, I will breathe in the aroma and sights surrounding me and let the colors of Earth's tapestry emblazen my soul.
Cold starry nights
trees paint the landscape
with breath-taking sights
Nature takes a deep breath
there's a whisper on the breeze
bask in the beauty
before winter's heavy freeze
Walk in the sunshine
breathe in the air
there's nothing quite like
the fragrant autumn air.
Feeling nature's cold fingers this morning as I went about my morning brought a bittersweet feeling that washed over my spirit and reminded me to take in each sight....each quickly changing leaf. Vermont in the fall brings to mind the smell of fallen leaves, cool air and warm sunshine. This time of year always paints a miraculous scene in my minds eye as well as my physical view. What beauty and inspiration nature brings us. Sweetness comes in waves of color and the coolness of the wind, shortly followed by the bitter feel of winter's icy fingers. I am reminded that every season is a gift and has beauty and wonder, even when a particular season is greeted with dread. For me, winter is that harbinger of nature. I don't like it and I don't pretend to. I have said it a million times and will most likely say it a million more: I love fall but hate what comes next. I was born in the winter and one would think that would mean I would enjoy it more. that is not the case, but what I do enjoy is the smell of autumn. There is nothing like it for me and no words I can use to accurately describe it. There is a crispness to it and for me it not only fills my senses but creates paintings in my mind of change. Autumn is a time of year like no other. Nature begins to slow her breath and heartbeat in preparation for Her long winter's slumber. It is a time of "rearranging Her winter closet and wardrobe," just as we physically do. The smell of woodsmoke begins to permeate the air as we begin to hunker down for what comes next, and out of the kitchen comes the smell of comfort foods like Stews and fall baking.
Soon the smoke from the chimneys will snake across the sky and the leaves willfall to the ground, leaving the closet bare. But for right NOW, I will breathe in the aroma and sights surrounding me and let the colors of Earth's tapestry emblazen my soul.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Some days are easier than others.....This may not be one of them.
After awaking at 3:53 and laying there with my mind racing and ending up crying from frustration and mental exhaustion I decided to just get up. Now, the thing is that I was so excited last night knowing I would once again get a peaceful restful night's sleep because I had backup here and would not need to worry for once. I needed it. I didn't get it. Too many things up in the air and needing figuring out or intervention....too many worries and stresses. So up I am and decided to write.
This is one of those instances where it all builds up and releases like a damn bursting open and flooding a whole town. Eventually it has to and my eventually is apparently this morning. The water first swells up behind the dam walls, then begins to wash over it as the water level rises, cracks begin to snake along the damn wall and then with a mighty roar the whole dam crumbles and the watery torment rages forward. Yup that describes how it all began this morning and still....I feel like I am only half way in that scenario..I cried some but I am still trying to plug the holes in the damn with my fingers and toes as it tries to pour out a different location than I can possible plug. Why am I fighting it and turning the faucet off? Because I don't want to lost it completely and end up with my face looking like a bloated tomato for the whole world to see today. I know it's not GREAT reason but it's what I've got.
This is exactly why I am writing my book you see. If everything I go through, or have gone through can help even one person to turn it around, or atleast find a fresher perpective then I would be so amazingly happy. It is when you honestly pray for no one else to experience your experiences, or fall under the avalanche that you can most affect a shift on others I believe. How can you teach, help, or understand something if you haven't truly witnessed it first hand, up close and way too personally? I don't think you can. Can I help someone see the light at the end of the tunnel in a situation similar to :someone you care about severely depressed and hurting, home and finance up in the air or in the crapper, job not working out and actually causing way MORE Stress than it is helping, having less than ZERO help and family around and going it completely alone and a thousand other things added on top of that that I won't even write about? Dear God I hope so. I wouldn't wish any of this on anyone. And knowing how far i HAVE come certainly keeps me moving forward.
Well my alarm will be going off in 6 minutes, and since I didn't alert it to the fact that it was not needed this morning I will go turn it off so it doesn't wake me up some company before they need to get up. I don't think my youngest Angel would much appreciate the early morning bugle call. Blessed day dear Ones, my thoughts and prayers are with you as I pick through this maze one day at a time and seek to grow and share that with others <3
After awaking at 3:53 and laying there with my mind racing and ending up crying from frustration and mental exhaustion I decided to just get up. Now, the thing is that I was so excited last night knowing I would once again get a peaceful restful night's sleep because I had backup here and would not need to worry for once. I needed it. I didn't get it. Too many things up in the air and needing figuring out or intervention....too many worries and stresses. So up I am and decided to write.
This is one of those instances where it all builds up and releases like a damn bursting open and flooding a whole town. Eventually it has to and my eventually is apparently this morning. The water first swells up behind the dam walls, then begins to wash over it as the water level rises, cracks begin to snake along the damn wall and then with a mighty roar the whole dam crumbles and the watery torment rages forward. Yup that describes how it all began this morning and still....I feel like I am only half way in that scenario..I cried some but I am still trying to plug the holes in the damn with my fingers and toes as it tries to pour out a different location than I can possible plug. Why am I fighting it and turning the faucet off? Because I don't want to lost it completely and end up with my face looking like a bloated tomato for the whole world to see today. I know it's not GREAT reason but it's what I've got.
This is exactly why I am writing my book you see. If everything I go through, or have gone through can help even one person to turn it around, or atleast find a fresher perpective then I would be so amazingly happy. It is when you honestly pray for no one else to experience your experiences, or fall under the avalanche that you can most affect a shift on others I believe. How can you teach, help, or understand something if you haven't truly witnessed it first hand, up close and way too personally? I don't think you can. Can I help someone see the light at the end of the tunnel in a situation similar to :someone you care about severely depressed and hurting, home and finance up in the air or in the crapper, job not working out and actually causing way MORE Stress than it is helping, having less than ZERO help and family around and going it completely alone and a thousand other things added on top of that that I won't even write about? Dear God I hope so. I wouldn't wish any of this on anyone. And knowing how far i HAVE come certainly keeps me moving forward.
Well my alarm will be going off in 6 minutes, and since I didn't alert it to the fact that it was not needed this morning I will go turn it off so it doesn't wake me up some company before they need to get up. I don't think my youngest Angel would much appreciate the early morning bugle call. Blessed day dear Ones, my thoughts and prayers are with you as I pick through this maze one day at a time and seek to grow and share that with others <3
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