Well, the blog/writing bug has bitten again and it must be scratched lol. Some creepies from my closet of anxiety are crawling out and apparently I can no longer kick them back into their hiding space, so instead I am going to embrace my shadow side. The thoughts that are poking at me will not get better until I stare them in the face, so today I am going to enter into an intuitive staring match and see who comes out the victor.
Increasingly lately I find that things are bothering me and stealing some of my peace. They have no right to any part of me, never mind stealing so look out, there's a new sheriff in town and she carries a baseball bat!
Being an empath and intuitive can be a double edged sword. It is amazing to be guided to help people and it is also a gift of epic proportions, one I eagerly unwrap everyday like a child on christmas morning. More and more I am seeing how very many happily ignore the work they came to do...or need to do by filling their time with busy-ness. Now, I am all for doing what brings you pleasure and encourage it daily! However, seeing some choose to ignore the calling to heal areas of their life that have been brought to their attention has been aggravating me....greatly. Especially those who have come to me for guidance. It is all part of my learning. When I first jumped on this mighty steed of seeking to help others heal, it was difficult for me to step aside once we broke into a hardy gallop. In time I grew into acceptance that it was not my responsibility to make sure they "get it," but merely to lead them to a beautiful path of healing and lovingly send them off to choose their journey. Lately I am not so good at it. There are those who began an amazing journey and healing process and apparently have decided to turn tail and run the other way as if the flames of hell were licking at their heals. Instead of doing the work, they choose to bury it under the back porch. Oh I have been there...PLENTY! But now, I am not, which is amazing for me, but that is my journey. Still, there are times I want to grab people and shake them til their teeth rattle and say ...well we won';t get into that part lol. Often I tell people that the longer your rotting fruit stays in the fridge the smellier and more rotten it gets and when they do decide to throw it out it will not only be a messier affair it will smell up their house. Now I know all the right sayings and thoughts like, it is their issue not mine, you can lead the horse to water and all that profound wisdom, hell I preach it. But there are times that much more colorful sayings come to mind!
So as I sat with this putrid fruit of my own, and the fruit flies started swarming my head lol, I decided to go sit outside and swat at them while I plugged my nose at the smell :) The wind is picking up out there and my attention was drawn to my wind chimes who are happily singing their tune for any within a close enough range to hear. What were they singing of? Acceptance! true acceptance. Guess what that really is? It is the lack of expectation! Yup I can accept and embrace free will free choice and acceptance. I accept everyone with their good bad and ugly. What I have been forgetting is that with that needs to come a lack of EXPECTation. You can help people learn exactly what they need to hear and know and know that it will change their life in more ways than they can possibly imagine. But where we (well I) have got caught up is in the expectation that they will want to make those changes and dig out under the porch to rid themselves of the stink and fruit flies. So why does this nag at me so lately? For one thing, times are changing and we can either willingly take the steps or we can get thrown under the bus by change eventually. For another, Personally I am right there with wanting to fix myself (Tim the toolman at it's best sometimes lol). But, that...is my journey and choice. What can I do about wanting to poke people in the eye at times while I sing the wake up song? Well! I can remove in a sense the cause of the irritation by choosing not to read their silly posts about how their life is miserable or the constant game posts, and RE=member they are on their own journey and that means they get to CHOOSE whether to awaken or stay slumbering. ahaaaaaaaa! I thought I was doing that until it got a little personal! Not so easy is it then Kim?! lol That's ok because now I am staring down my shadow side with my poker face, or it could be the mother look my kids raz me about so much heehee.
Another point of contention with me are friends who have been constant for years who seem to either be backing away slowing or running like hell. Again so easy to teach about, until it gets personal. Instead of being hurt and sore about it, I choose to accept it. I have changed in a million ways in the past 4 years and I accept that it may not be a comfortable feeling to others that liked me just as I was before the shift. Heart pain is a choice. So is acceptance. No more shoving the creepies into the back of my closet of anxieties. Today I took them out and danced with them and let them go on their merry way when we were done.
Not a very poetic thought process but empowering and all done in love. Now there is room in my closet for clothes again...maybe I should actually go pull them out of the baskets and put them there. lol. One last thought...I love you all and I accept you hook line and sinker, whether you choose to bite the hook, cling to the line with your nose above water or hang on the sinker and stay underwater. <3
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