Yesterday was a miracle of Divine guidance and insight for me. Through the snowstorm I traveled to my friends to have a mini retreat and spend the day in friendship and embracing present moments. Feeling a little "off" I wondered what the day would bring and where my attentions and perceptions would take me. It took awhile, as we talked, laughed and ate lunch, before we settled into our beautiful peaceful place. One thing lead to another as we cut out things that called to us from magazines to make collages. Every one I was drawn to had ocean colors all through them. Of course in light of the snowstorm that blew around us it drew me to my thoughts of wanting...no, that's not quite right....NEEDING spring. Something was beginning to tickle my perception as if someone was poking at me with a feather. Staring out of the window at the large fluffy snowflakes swirling around on the breath of Winter Maker, I could not get a grasp on what was poking at my consciousness. On our merry way we went for awhile as a topic of conversation took shape, smacking me in the forehead of realization like a 2x4. My beautiful friend and I were lead into a discussion of our teenagers, which lead to talk of the oldest of my angels turning 18 and beginning his new found, rapidly approaching adult adventure. Emotions bubbled to the surface as Jen and I acknowledged the tears and emotions rolling off us like a rushing yet cleansing waterfall. The new path for me sparked her memory of her recent journey with her daughter graduating and going off to college. Sometimes apparently I need a pitcher to the head, and this was exactly what I got. I pulled myself together as pictures were forming in my head, orchestrated by nature's playful spirit outside the window, so I bundled up and went outside to listen to the silence of nature, connect with the message and feel Wind Maker's breath on my face. As I stood there watching the swirling dervish of snowflakes dancing through the air, I perceived in them Memories of my son. One by one they drifted and swirled.....each snowflake representing a memory of his journey. My mind would focus on one snowflake....in it I saw his first breath of life, in another...his first laugh...yet others his first word, first day of school and on and on it went until my heart and mind were full of the beautiful moments I have been blessed with. As I stood there in the middle of my winter storm snow globe of memories crying, I held out my hand to catch one here and there, then watched them quickly melt in the heat of my hand only to vanish in a mini puddle of remembrance. Again shifting my gaze to the spiral of snowflakes, I noticed some were sneaking down the back of my collar to melt onto my shoulders, others danced into my jacket and melted near my throat, while a few tricked down and gave up their secrets near my heart. Yet another glance downward showed my my coat full of white snowflake kisses that did not melt, but filled my coat like a patchwork quilt of David memories. These did not melt, but stayed visible and perfect in their patterns, leaving me contemplating which would ones always stay whole and there for me to glance at with a simple look. All over those special snowflakes were the boy who was the first to change my whole life and bless my world all the way up to visions of the amazing young man he has become. Even more hinted at landing there, but weren't quite ready to become part of that memory quilt.....the man he will become in the future was still not ready to alight but they silently made a promise to land there in the future, and I lovingly await them filling my heart when the time is right for them to come to me.
Here is yet another...maybe more profound epiphanie: In my need for warmer weather to kiss my winter weary spirit, and my focus on wishing it here faster than Divine Timing sees fit, I am wishing away my last days of my first pre-adult child. Winter is just weather and temperature! Yes I am a summer soul who craves the embrace of warmth and the touch of the sunlight, and I certainly accept and embrace that in me, however, I must temper that drive to time warp, remembering that in doing that I am wishing away some very precious fading moments of my sons childhood. Every single moment is precious and worth dancing with.
Eventually I landed back inside telling my dear friend about my visions and experience, in a much different place than before I wandered out into wind maker and Old man winter's playground. At anytime through the coming years I can choose to shake up my memory snow globe and watch the memories swirl around for my private viewing, until I am ready to let them settle again for a later shake. My children are the colors of the rainbow that fill my spirit with love and absolute beauty. Each and every one of them will have their own private snow globe that will forever rest within my heart and mind for a shake here and there. Once again I am blessed with being in a place where I refuse to wish even one second away. Instead I embrace them like a new mother holding her child for the first time. In each moment I will look it in the eye and breathe in the perfection of the grand I AM with a smile...and maybe a tear in my eye. My son....and my daughter...and son and son....you I pray one day will see the beauty and joy you have given me every second of every day of my life. Until that day I will keep it all close to my beating heart as the legacy I am hopefully leaving you.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Kim's closet of anxieties take one
Well, the blog/writing bug has bitten again and it must be scratched lol. Some creepies from my closet of anxiety are crawling out and apparently I can no longer kick them back into their hiding space, so instead I am going to embrace my shadow side. The thoughts that are poking at me will not get better until I stare them in the face, so today I am going to enter into an intuitive staring match and see who comes out the victor.
Increasingly lately I find that things are bothering me and stealing some of my peace. They have no right to any part of me, never mind stealing so look out, there's a new sheriff in town and she carries a baseball bat!
Being an empath and intuitive can be a double edged sword. It is amazing to be guided to help people and it is also a gift of epic proportions, one I eagerly unwrap everyday like a child on christmas morning. More and more I am seeing how very many happily ignore the work they came to do...or need to do by filling their time with busy-ness. Now, I am all for doing what brings you pleasure and encourage it daily! However, seeing some choose to ignore the calling to heal areas of their life that have been brought to their attention has been aggravating me....greatly. Especially those who have come to me for guidance. It is all part of my learning. When I first jumped on this mighty steed of seeking to help others heal, it was difficult for me to step aside once we broke into a hardy gallop. In time I grew into acceptance that it was not my responsibility to make sure they "get it," but merely to lead them to a beautiful path of healing and lovingly send them off to choose their journey. Lately I am not so good at it. There are those who began an amazing journey and healing process and apparently have decided to turn tail and run the other way as if the flames of hell were licking at their heals. Instead of doing the work, they choose to bury it under the back porch. Oh I have been there...PLENTY! But now, I am not, which is amazing for me, but that is my journey. Still, there are times I want to grab people and shake them til their teeth rattle and say ...well we won';t get into that part lol. Often I tell people that the longer your rotting fruit stays in the fridge the smellier and more rotten it gets and when they do decide to throw it out it will not only be a messier affair it will smell up their house. Now I know all the right sayings and thoughts like, it is their issue not mine, you can lead the horse to water and all that profound wisdom, hell I preach it. But there are times that much more colorful sayings come to mind!
So as I sat with this putrid fruit of my own, and the fruit flies started swarming my head lol, I decided to go sit outside and swat at them while I plugged my nose at the smell :) The wind is picking up out there and my attention was drawn to my wind chimes who are happily singing their tune for any within a close enough range to hear. What were they singing of? Acceptance! true acceptance. Guess what that really is? It is the lack of expectation! Yup I can accept and embrace free will free choice and acceptance. I accept everyone with their good bad and ugly. What I have been forgetting is that with that needs to come a lack of EXPECTation. You can help people learn exactly what they need to hear and know and know that it will change their life in more ways than they can possibly imagine. But where we (well I) have got caught up is in the expectation that they will want to make those changes and dig out under the porch to rid themselves of the stink and fruit flies. So why does this nag at me so lately? For one thing, times are changing and we can either willingly take the steps or we can get thrown under the bus by change eventually. For another, Personally I am right there with wanting to fix myself (Tim the toolman at it's best sometimes lol). But, that...is my journey and choice. What can I do about wanting to poke people in the eye at times while I sing the wake up song? Well! I can remove in a sense the cause of the irritation by choosing not to read their silly posts about how their life is miserable or the constant game posts, and RE=member they are on their own journey and that means they get to CHOOSE whether to awaken or stay slumbering. ahaaaaaaaa! I thought I was doing that until it got a little personal! Not so easy is it then Kim?! lol That's ok because now I am staring down my shadow side with my poker face, or it could be the mother look my kids raz me about so much heehee.
Another point of contention with me are friends who have been constant for years who seem to either be backing away slowing or running like hell. Again so easy to teach about, until it gets personal. Instead of being hurt and sore about it, I choose to accept it. I have changed in a million ways in the past 4 years and I accept that it may not be a comfortable feeling to others that liked me just as I was before the shift. Heart pain is a choice. So is acceptance. No more shoving the creepies into the back of my closet of anxieties. Today I took them out and danced with them and let them go on their merry way when we were done.
Not a very poetic thought process but empowering and all done in love. Now there is room in my closet for clothes again...maybe I should actually go pull them out of the baskets and put them there. lol. One last thought...I love you all and I accept you hook line and sinker, whether you choose to bite the hook, cling to the line with your nose above water or hang on the sinker and stay underwater. <3
Increasingly lately I find that things are bothering me and stealing some of my peace. They have no right to any part of me, never mind stealing so look out, there's a new sheriff in town and she carries a baseball bat!
Being an empath and intuitive can be a double edged sword. It is amazing to be guided to help people and it is also a gift of epic proportions, one I eagerly unwrap everyday like a child on christmas morning. More and more I am seeing how very many happily ignore the work they came to do...or need to do by filling their time with busy-ness. Now, I am all for doing what brings you pleasure and encourage it daily! However, seeing some choose to ignore the calling to heal areas of their life that have been brought to their attention has been aggravating me....greatly. Especially those who have come to me for guidance. It is all part of my learning. When I first jumped on this mighty steed of seeking to help others heal, it was difficult for me to step aside once we broke into a hardy gallop. In time I grew into acceptance that it was not my responsibility to make sure they "get it," but merely to lead them to a beautiful path of healing and lovingly send them off to choose their journey. Lately I am not so good at it. There are those who began an amazing journey and healing process and apparently have decided to turn tail and run the other way as if the flames of hell were licking at their heals. Instead of doing the work, they choose to bury it under the back porch. Oh I have been there...PLENTY! But now, I am not, which is amazing for me, but that is my journey. Still, there are times I want to grab people and shake them til their teeth rattle and say ...well we won';t get into that part lol. Often I tell people that the longer your rotting fruit stays in the fridge the smellier and more rotten it gets and when they do decide to throw it out it will not only be a messier affair it will smell up their house. Now I know all the right sayings and thoughts like, it is their issue not mine, you can lead the horse to water and all that profound wisdom, hell I preach it. But there are times that much more colorful sayings come to mind!
So as I sat with this putrid fruit of my own, and the fruit flies started swarming my head lol, I decided to go sit outside and swat at them while I plugged my nose at the smell :) The wind is picking up out there and my attention was drawn to my wind chimes who are happily singing their tune for any within a close enough range to hear. What were they singing of? Acceptance! true acceptance. Guess what that really is? It is the lack of expectation! Yup I can accept and embrace free will free choice and acceptance. I accept everyone with their good bad and ugly. What I have been forgetting is that with that needs to come a lack of EXPECTation. You can help people learn exactly what they need to hear and know and know that it will change their life in more ways than they can possibly imagine. But where we (well I) have got caught up is in the expectation that they will want to make those changes and dig out under the porch to rid themselves of the stink and fruit flies. So why does this nag at me so lately? For one thing, times are changing and we can either willingly take the steps or we can get thrown under the bus by change eventually. For another, Personally I am right there with wanting to fix myself (Tim the toolman at it's best sometimes lol). But, that...is my journey and choice. What can I do about wanting to poke people in the eye at times while I sing the wake up song? Well! I can remove in a sense the cause of the irritation by choosing not to read their silly posts about how their life is miserable or the constant game posts, and RE=member they are on their own journey and that means they get to CHOOSE whether to awaken or stay slumbering. ahaaaaaaaa! I thought I was doing that until it got a little personal! Not so easy is it then Kim?! lol That's ok because now I am staring down my shadow side with my poker face, or it could be the mother look my kids raz me about so much heehee.
Another point of contention with me are friends who have been constant for years who seem to either be backing away slowing or running like hell. Again so easy to teach about, until it gets personal. Instead of being hurt and sore about it, I choose to accept it. I have changed in a million ways in the past 4 years and I accept that it may not be a comfortable feeling to others that liked me just as I was before the shift. Heart pain is a choice. So is acceptance. No more shoving the creepies into the back of my closet of anxieties. Today I took them out and danced with them and let them go on their merry way when we were done.
Not a very poetic thought process but empowering and all done in love. Now there is room in my closet for clothes again...maybe I should actually go pull them out of the baskets and put them there. lol. One last thought...I love you all and I accept you hook line and sinker, whether you choose to bite the hook, cling to the line with your nose above water or hang on the sinker and stay underwater. <3
Thursday, February 23, 2012
scattered
My thoughts are scattered this morning, randomly flitting here and there. I feel like I am everywhere and nowhere all at once. Physically my body sits in this chair with my fingers dancing across the keyboard and yet, my consciousness is somewhere out "there." Some distant place, or message beckons like a lighthouse beacon calling me into shore to rest awhile in the safety of some unseen harbor. Trying to peer through the fog, I strain to hear the waves washing ashore on a rocky shoal so that I can discern just where my spirit is being called to. Inspiration flows through me beckoning me forward to put some sort of words to paper that will ease this Divine call from beyond. Waiting. Listening. From somewhere far away I feel a tug at my heart pulling me into a warm loving place where spirit and soul can rest and just be. The pressure across the bridge of my nose feels as if someone is squeezing e in a vice grip as if to say "Pay attention!" This is my usual signal that a presence is speaking to me from across the veil and time and space.
"Good morning Beloved," I hear as I tune into the message that comes in gentle waves, touching my inner perception like gentle melodies that fill my heart. A thought occurs to me as I think I know someone is calling me but the caller ID is not working....just pick up the "phone" and say hello, someone will answer or maybe it is a wrong number. Am I tapping into a party line and merely discerning some distant conversation between spirit? Hmmm....Hello.......waiting......
from somewhere a thought bubble plops into my waiting mind....
It is about time you answered your phone Dear One, I have been dialing all morning. This Beloved child, is Gaia. Did you not call out to me this morning driving along, asking what message I had for you today? Did you truly believe I would not answer? ( I can hear giggling and feel the waves of love and laughter as She speaks of my preoccupation with the weather and wanting to not be cold.) Ahh my sweet summer child.....
It is only weather my dear! I feel you long for the warmth of the sun that you so dearly love, craving the blanket of comfort you remember so deeply on a soul level. I hear the thoughts you send forth, longing for the riches your ocean lays at your feet. It is coming Child, just a little longer. Can you feel it? Warmth is in the air and calling out to you. You can go there anytime you wish you know. Reach into your heart and journey to the arms of summer, where you can be embraced and gently kissed by the warm breeze and the sounds of the waves as they dance across the shore. Find your connection, it is there waiting for you. I know who you are and I know why you are here. Find your warmth within my tender heart and rest for awhile. Your Divine mission asks that you connect so that you can spread the warmth and sunshine to others who are in need. You are here to shine the light and love across the land you so love. Do you feel it now? Can you feel the welcoming embrace of your Earth Mother slowly creeping up through your body and spirit? Walk awhile with me my child as I cradle you to my heart and fill you with renewal and serenity. You are greatly loved and guided on this journey, even when you question or do not feel the love and support that is so lovingly reaching out to you. I am Gaia and this is my promise to you. Always you can come rest in my loving arms when you need to be cradled in safety and warmth. Always my arms are waiting to hold you and breathe peace across your waiting spirit. My only wish is that you share this with others so they can feel the warmth and love I have for them. You are all treasured my children. And so it is.
Slowly I feel the shivers in my body subside, washed away on some distant shore, leaving me filled with radiating warmth. A single tear tiptoes down my cheek, for the love that just filled me so completely. Grinning, I laugh at myself, finding humor in the intensity of my dislike of Winter Spirit's icy sense of humor. Soon He will retreat, leaving me to my summer companion. Until then I will wait and watch for the mantle of his cloak to disappear behind the suns golden rays. <3
Monday, February 20, 2012
Loving this present moment
The writing bug has bit me....hard! Now my imagination runs wild like a unbridled stallion across the great expanse of the land. My first thought after writing about the biting bug is that I can sense that for the first half of my life, it bit like wee little fleas which garnered only a quick scratch from my conscious mind, before I promptly forgot the itch. sS time has rolled on the bites have become stronger, larger and it appears they are now stinging welts that I must either properly thoroughly scratch or live with the constant nagging itch lol. I am not a fan of being itchy. So as I sat here with my lunch thinking, well Kim what can you write about huh? Well today for me it is connections. Not the kind that run from my laptop to the electric outlet lol although that one is important too since my muse seems to call out for technology, but the kind of connections that reach across the globe, the Multiverse and yes the place that I call home.
Morning greeted me with a huge smile as the sun snuck up on the horizon like a child creeping to try and catch Santa. The morning drill of rallying the children for school and packing lunches did nothing to ease the itch in me to sit and write...something...anything. This day (and really everyday but this one particularly) seems to point me in the direction of kindred spirits and Divine connections. How amazing it is to be linked with so many who have crossed my path either in person or here in cyberspace. have you ever felt a connection to someone that you just can't fathom the hows or the whys of where it came from? Lately I notice that I have the most profound love for the people who have blessed my life with their friendship. I grew from a person who feared talking in groups, (no really....I literally would pass out!) and who was very reserved and shy.... into someone who now is blessed with friends all over the world who share their hearts and thoughts with me, hopefully knowing that my hand is unconditionally extended in an endless welcome of friendship. I am no world traveler that's for certain as the prospect of it makes my knees knock together! lol. And yet, miraculously the Universe has seen fit to connect me infinitely to places across the globe that with just an outstretched hand, I can soul visit within the hearts of those I connect with. The only thought...feeling I can express is how thankful and blessed I am. To each and every one who walks this lifetime with me, I am thankful for you. SO my words aren't flowing like Beethoven's symphonies this morning, but the love from my heart is. My friends, you bless me in infinite ways and shower my heart with the most beautiful melodies ever written. I am the gifted one, not in the fact that I am gifted particularly in any way, but solely in the way that your friendship has Gifted me with the most beautiful warmth which infuses my spirit and gently lifts me on the wings of the Angels. Love and miracles are my wish for you. <3
Morning greeted me with a huge smile as the sun snuck up on the horizon like a child creeping to try and catch Santa. The morning drill of rallying the children for school and packing lunches did nothing to ease the itch in me to sit and write...something...anything. This day (and really everyday but this one particularly) seems to point me in the direction of kindred spirits and Divine connections. How amazing it is to be linked with so many who have crossed my path either in person or here in cyberspace. have you ever felt a connection to someone that you just can't fathom the hows or the whys of where it came from? Lately I notice that I have the most profound love for the people who have blessed my life with their friendship. I grew from a person who feared talking in groups, (no really....I literally would pass out!) and who was very reserved and shy.... into someone who now is blessed with friends all over the world who share their hearts and thoughts with me, hopefully knowing that my hand is unconditionally extended in an endless welcome of friendship. I am no world traveler that's for certain as the prospect of it makes my knees knock together! lol. And yet, miraculously the Universe has seen fit to connect me infinitely to places across the globe that with just an outstretched hand, I can soul visit within the hearts of those I connect with. The only thought...feeling I can express is how thankful and blessed I am. To each and every one who walks this lifetime with me, I am thankful for you. SO my words aren't flowing like Beethoven's symphonies this morning, but the love from my heart is. My friends, you bless me in infinite ways and shower my heart with the most beautiful melodies ever written. I am the gifted one, not in the fact that I am gifted particularly in any way, but solely in the way that your friendship has Gifted me with the most beautiful warmth which infuses my spirit and gently lifts me on the wings of the Angels. Love and miracles are my wish for you. <3
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Sunday morning serenity
Sunshine on my shoulders....makes me happy.... :) This morning I spent a few brief moments outside on the porch with the dog. As I sat and watched her antics with her beloved rocks, silently an awareness crept into my spirit...The sun is shining! Funny how at times we get so wrapped up in what's going on or what happens to be in our path and lose sight of the beauty that is around us. Sure we know it's there but to consciously look and take it all in seems to evade our grateful knowing. If I can share the feeling it brings me so that others feel it, see it, sense it in every way, I think my everyday will be blessed with great beauty.
Silently the sun whispered to my waiting, winter worn spirit....I am here. Somewhere in the recesses of my always busy mind, I heard the call and stopped the mental meanderings enough to listen...and to feel. The beautiful sunlight bestowed upon me a miraculous gift, one I have a difficult time functioning well without. The sun glinted down on my spirit like a beautifully warm refreshing way-shower, calling my memory into action of lazy summer days reclining in the sun watching the white cotton clouds drifting by. Oh how my soul rejuvenates within it's golden rays. Lazily I relaxed my whole being to soak in and commune with the warmth of Ra. Ever so slowly my soul took a long deep drink from it's beauty and smiled contentedly. What beauty we are surrounded by everyday as nature gives freely and unconditionally of it's riches. As I watched, rebellious winter snowflakes drifted around trying hard to announce their presence, and yet I giggled at their dance in the shining rays of the suns light. Winter has been largely non existent this year and although part of me knows something is grandly amiss, I still take extreme pleasure in the lack of snowfall and bitter cold normally part of Vermont winter. The sun beckons my spirit with it's chattering uplifting melody and sparks my daydreaming to wander to empty beaches as the waves roll gently onto the sand. Today I can smell the salt air that is home to my spirit and ever so completely I feel free within natures outstretched arms. Something this way comes...and it has a warm touch that tenderly caresses my summer dreams. John Denver's sunshine on my shoulders says "if I had a wish that I could give you, I would give to you, a day just like today." Today that is my wish for everyone. A simple wish really, but profound in the giving. Close your eyes and feel the sunlight shower down on your spirit and know the beautiful Divine gift of nature <3
Silently the sun whispered to my waiting, winter worn spirit....I am here. Somewhere in the recesses of my always busy mind, I heard the call and stopped the mental meanderings enough to listen...and to feel. The beautiful sunlight bestowed upon me a miraculous gift, one I have a difficult time functioning well without. The sun glinted down on my spirit like a beautifully warm refreshing way-shower, calling my memory into action of lazy summer days reclining in the sun watching the white cotton clouds drifting by. Oh how my soul rejuvenates within it's golden rays. Lazily I relaxed my whole being to soak in and commune with the warmth of Ra. Ever so slowly my soul took a long deep drink from it's beauty and smiled contentedly. What beauty we are surrounded by everyday as nature gives freely and unconditionally of it's riches. As I watched, rebellious winter snowflakes drifted around trying hard to announce their presence, and yet I giggled at their dance in the shining rays of the suns light. Winter has been largely non existent this year and although part of me knows something is grandly amiss, I still take extreme pleasure in the lack of snowfall and bitter cold normally part of Vermont winter. The sun beckons my spirit with it's chattering uplifting melody and sparks my daydreaming to wander to empty beaches as the waves roll gently onto the sand. Today I can smell the salt air that is home to my spirit and ever so completely I feel free within natures outstretched arms. Something this way comes...and it has a warm touch that tenderly caresses my summer dreams. John Denver's sunshine on my shoulders says "if I had a wish that I could give you, I would give to you, a day just like today." Today that is my wish for everyone. A simple wish really, but profound in the giving. Close your eyes and feel the sunlight shower down on your spirit and know the beautiful Divine gift of nature <3
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