Dear God,
I'm tired today. Really really tired today. The road has been pretty rocky and rough for awhile now and I am feeling a bit worn out. The struts are shot and the shocks are gone and I am pushing on the brakes but they just go to the floor. But it's ok, I can't complain. Within the rough roads I have found some real jewels and beautiful views. I have made some friends and learned alot...about the journey, the landscape and the weather.
What I really want to say is Thank you. Nothing more, except maybe the brakes could use a look when you get a chance so maybe I could slow down abit and take in the view here and there without it all whizzing by me. What I am thankful for is that no matter what potholes I hit I still get to help people and that is a gift. I know you send some people to intercept my path and I stop whenever I can and share what you've taught me. I know that I am not alone as I ride along, (oh psssst, my map seems abit outdated and is missing clear lines for me to follow). Maybe I just need new glasses so i can read it better. Anyway, the other day a beautiful lady told me she saw an angel hugging me while I was helping another. Now, I know they are always around me and that is why I have gotten through the washed out roads the way I did, but Thank you for the reminder that there are some who can share what they see with me and give me the assurance that they are still there. It is pretty comforting so without asking for anything, I just wanted to say Thank you, and that I know you are near too. I love you and I am glad you love me enough to let me get lost here and there and hit some bumps. Pretty incredible really, because I have that fear of getting lost, but I always seem to find my way back onto my path.
Love, Me
Monday, August 20, 2012
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Today was an amazing day full of gifts I never expected. Waking to an amazingly beautiful and perfect late summer day in Vermont should be enough of a treasure; perfect temperature, scattered white fluffy clouds dancing across the blue sky and a soothing breeze is surely a gift from benevolent nature spirits. And yet, that was only just the beginning.
Earlier this week I met an amazingly beautiful lady who came to have Reiki with me. She in and of herself, was a gift. What a gentle, down to earth soul with a very soft voice that was instantly soothing and made me want to whisper myself. Her session went incredibly with lots of beautiful Spirit surrounding her. That alone is always humbling and incredible, but the love they sent to her was something I am not sure I have felt yet in any of my sessions. It was so complete, unconditional and strong that when I attempted to try and explain the scope of it, nothing could even compare with plain language. It was overwhelming and repeatedly brought tears to my eyes as the waves of love radiated to her, along with their messages of gratitude for all that she has done selflessly for others. She deeply enjoyed the reiki and angel cards and I in turn enjoyed...no felt ridiculously blessed to meet and talk with this gentle spirit who sat in my office.
Today I had the pleasure of working on her husband, who is equally beautiful, while she enjoyed the quiet and peace of some meditation time in the room at the same time. A couple of times she opened her eyes to look around before settling back into gentle repose as the session went on. Messages came through that touched them deeply and without personally knowing the background, the validations came through one after another. I felt completely at peace in their company and I am not sure still, who got more out of the sessions.
Before she left, came her gift of love. She told me that as I was working by her husbands feet, she perceived a large angel standing behind me with his wings wrapped completely around me. She said this angel radiated such love for me that she could feel feel it and see it and she knew I too was being cared for and looked after. Instantly I wanted to cry while what I am certain was a huge smile played across my face. You see,f in her session I had told her that when I work on others and am a channel or all that flows through me, I too get the healing and benefits. I did not tell her that most often I am so intent on my clients that I rarely perceive those things around myself. This time was no different. I was concentrating so hard on the messages I was receiving for her husband and working with him that I never felt or noticed. What a blessing of love she gave me to share what she saw and felt, one that I would not have known otherwise. I always know they are near and with me, but to have someone share that with me was so profound that I drove home in tears and gratitude.
Our paths will surely cross again and i truly look forward to that occasion. Bless you dear Earth Angel, and thank you for your gift.
Earlier this week I met an amazingly beautiful lady who came to have Reiki with me. She in and of herself, was a gift. What a gentle, down to earth soul with a very soft voice that was instantly soothing and made me want to whisper myself. Her session went incredibly with lots of beautiful Spirit surrounding her. That alone is always humbling and incredible, but the love they sent to her was something I am not sure I have felt yet in any of my sessions. It was so complete, unconditional and strong that when I attempted to try and explain the scope of it, nothing could even compare with plain language. It was overwhelming and repeatedly brought tears to my eyes as the waves of love radiated to her, along with their messages of gratitude for all that she has done selflessly for others. She deeply enjoyed the reiki and angel cards and I in turn enjoyed...no felt ridiculously blessed to meet and talk with this gentle spirit who sat in my office.
Today I had the pleasure of working on her husband, who is equally beautiful, while she enjoyed the quiet and peace of some meditation time in the room at the same time. A couple of times she opened her eyes to look around before settling back into gentle repose as the session went on. Messages came through that touched them deeply and without personally knowing the background, the validations came through one after another. I felt completely at peace in their company and I am not sure still, who got more out of the sessions.
Before she left, came her gift of love. She told me that as I was working by her husbands feet, she perceived a large angel standing behind me with his wings wrapped completely around me. She said this angel radiated such love for me that she could feel feel it and see it and she knew I too was being cared for and looked after. Instantly I wanted to cry while what I am certain was a huge smile played across my face. You see,f in her session I had told her that when I work on others and am a channel or all that flows through me, I too get the healing and benefits. I did not tell her that most often I am so intent on my clients that I rarely perceive those things around myself. This time was no different. I was concentrating so hard on the messages I was receiving for her husband and working with him that I never felt or noticed. What a blessing of love she gave me to share what she saw and felt, one that I would not have known otherwise. I always know they are near and with me, but to have someone share that with me was so profound that I drove home in tears and gratitude.
Our paths will surely cross again and i truly look forward to that occasion. Bless you dear Earth Angel, and thank you for your gift.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
My firstborn son turns 18
This morning my thoughts wander to past present and future. My firstborn son turns 18 tomorrow and although I knew it would be an emotional milestone in his and my life, still the depth of it sends ripples through me stronger than my wildest imaginings. And I have a good imagination, and yet even that could not touch the strength of the emotions that wash over me.
18 years ago (tomorrow at 3:01 am...I still have a few hours of this phase of mom!), a beautiful angel entered my life. As he was making his entry I saw him coming, felt it with every ounce of my soul. That moment, at that time, was the single most amazing blessing I ever knew. He was so beautiful and as I held his little body I was filled with emotions I had never known before. If I at that point in my life, been able to hear the Heavenly choirs that sang for his birth, I know it would have been the most beautiful sound ever heard. I am sitting here struggling to even put words to the feelings that wash over me like a giant wave crashing to the shore....unconditional love and pride just to name a couple.
From Tender moments alone together in that first night, staring and memorizing every feature, every touch, every nook and cranny of his little body, my life was irreversibly changed in the most beautiful way. Little man grew quickly and I have treasured every second of the past 17.99 years. How amazing the beauty of a child! As he grew older, by 3 years old I wondered at times who was the parent and who the child. He seemed to always be wise and beyond his little years. When we snuggled together on the couch it wasn't just I who pulled him close and wrapped him in my arms, but also he who would place his arm under me and rub my hair and kiss my face. This little angel touched a place in me I never knew was possible. Gentleness, wonder, innocence, love and his Mama were his world. I cannot imagine a more beautiful place to be, and I was blessed with that 4 times.
As he grew, we grew closer. He was the apple of our eye and his grandmother was his greatest fan and love. My boy thrived and grew...and grew and grew. I watched as he said his first words, took his first steps, explored his new world with wonder and love in my heart. Off to school he went as I cried at his growing so fast and I watched in amazement at his little life unfolding rapidly. Then came the day when the painful began...for him and for me. Bullying began at the tender age of 5 and continued for years at school. I ached for his sadness and fought to make things better...make things right and to do all I could to protect his tender, heart. Through it all he stayed strong and determined. Fast forward to 5th grade and my beautiful child was begging me to homeschool him
and I yanked him from public school. You know when your child is struggling, yet the realization hit me harder than a runaway freight train when I began to see with newly opened eyes the level of what he was feeling. I saw this in the way he began to laugh and smile again, to hold his head up and look people in the eye instead of averting his gaze from anyone and everyone who passed him by. I watched as he grew and flourished and when our family doctor told me if I had not acted in the way I did, pulling him from school. The chances were that he would have ended up a high school statistic....and I cried.
Now at nearly 18 (yes I cannot even say 18 just yet), I look at him and see the beautiful adult man he is becoming. Never a difficult child, never anything but a God given blessing. David my son you are amazing and beautiful. You have your whole life in front of you and it is a blank canvas to paint on and write your own story. My boy is at the present, working so hard towards the possibility of a full 4 year lacrosse scholarship at the University of North Carolina....his dream. He has gone from 1 of 18 to 1 of 5 and we await his last scout visit in the coming weeks and a decision on who will be chosen. He wants it so badly, and I want it so badly for him. No matter what you do, where you go Son, I want you to know how deeply proud of you I am and how deeply I love you. I also want you to know that these words do not even begin to explain these feelings since there really are no words accurate to describe them.
These things I want you to know...from my heart and soul to yours:
Always believe in yourself and your ability to do anything you dream of. Be gentle with yourself and love yourself first. Everything begins in that place, with you. Some will not understand, will not support your dreams. That is ok...let them. They and their thoughts have no bearing on the amazing person you are or the amazing things you will do in your life. Live it for YOU first. The rest will follow. No one can make you happy....you are the only one who can do that. Be understanding of others and their journey to live their lives the best way they know how. It won't always be easy, but it will be worth it. Life is a miraculous gift my son. Open yourself to the learning and endless possibilities. Never hold back telling people you love them, even when they do not seem to care or want to hear it. You are a blessing to this world you live in and will inspire others as you have inspired me every second of my life since you blessed it. Be strong but never be afraid to show your tender side. Give people second chances. Write your own story and never ever let anyone write it for you. Forgive people for the hurt they cause your heart; not because their actions are ok in anyway, but because in not forgiving, the only person who is held prisoner is you. When you think you have failed...try again...and again and again and again. Hold your head high and never ever look down. Remember family, even when it is hard to see or feel, is the glue that can hold you together when you feel you are falling apart. Know that I will always and in all ways, support you and love you enough even for those times when you find it hard to love yourself.
Today, as I wrote about recently, I shake up my snow globe of memories, watching each one swirl around me from the past 18 years. Tomorrow, this phase of being mommie, changes to a new phase of Mom. Tomorrow morning I begin a new snowglobe of memories, building it snowflake by snowflake and I look forward to it with love and excitement. It isn't gone, it is just switching gears. I believe in you, I always have. I love you my Son. With every breath and beat of my heart....I love you and will always be here when you need me.
18 years ago (tomorrow at 3:01 am...I still have a few hours of this phase of mom!), a beautiful angel entered my life. As he was making his entry I saw him coming, felt it with every ounce of my soul. That moment, at that time, was the single most amazing blessing I ever knew. He was so beautiful and as I held his little body I was filled with emotions I had never known before. If I at that point in my life, been able to hear the Heavenly choirs that sang for his birth, I know it would have been the most beautiful sound ever heard. I am sitting here struggling to even put words to the feelings that wash over me like a giant wave crashing to the shore....unconditional love and pride just to name a couple.
From Tender moments alone together in that first night, staring and memorizing every feature, every touch, every nook and cranny of his little body, my life was irreversibly changed in the most beautiful way. Little man grew quickly and I have treasured every second of the past 17.99 years. How amazing the beauty of a child! As he grew older, by 3 years old I wondered at times who was the parent and who the child. He seemed to always be wise and beyond his little years. When we snuggled together on the couch it wasn't just I who pulled him close and wrapped him in my arms, but also he who would place his arm under me and rub my hair and kiss my face. This little angel touched a place in me I never knew was possible. Gentleness, wonder, innocence, love and his Mama were his world. I cannot imagine a more beautiful place to be, and I was blessed with that 4 times.
As he grew, we grew closer. He was the apple of our eye and his grandmother was his greatest fan and love. My boy thrived and grew...and grew and grew. I watched as he said his first words, took his first steps, explored his new world with wonder and love in my heart. Off to school he went as I cried at his growing so fast and I watched in amazement at his little life unfolding rapidly. Then came the day when the painful began...for him and for me. Bullying began at the tender age of 5 and continued for years at school. I ached for his sadness and fought to make things better...make things right and to do all I could to protect his tender, heart. Through it all he stayed strong and determined. Fast forward to 5th grade and my beautiful child was begging me to homeschool him
and I yanked him from public school. You know when your child is struggling, yet the realization hit me harder than a runaway freight train when I began to see with newly opened eyes the level of what he was feeling. I saw this in the way he began to laugh and smile again, to hold his head up and look people in the eye instead of averting his gaze from anyone and everyone who passed him by. I watched as he grew and flourished and when our family doctor told me if I had not acted in the way I did, pulling him from school. The chances were that he would have ended up a high school statistic....and I cried.
Now at nearly 18 (yes I cannot even say 18 just yet), I look at him and see the beautiful adult man he is becoming. Never a difficult child, never anything but a God given blessing. David my son you are amazing and beautiful. You have your whole life in front of you and it is a blank canvas to paint on and write your own story. My boy is at the present, working so hard towards the possibility of a full 4 year lacrosse scholarship at the University of North Carolina....his dream. He has gone from 1 of 18 to 1 of 5 and we await his last scout visit in the coming weeks and a decision on who will be chosen. He wants it so badly, and I want it so badly for him. No matter what you do, where you go Son, I want you to know how deeply proud of you I am and how deeply I love you. I also want you to know that these words do not even begin to explain these feelings since there really are no words accurate to describe them.
These things I want you to know...from my heart and soul to yours:
Always believe in yourself and your ability to do anything you dream of. Be gentle with yourself and love yourself first. Everything begins in that place, with you. Some will not understand, will not support your dreams. That is ok...let them. They and their thoughts have no bearing on the amazing person you are or the amazing things you will do in your life. Live it for YOU first. The rest will follow. No one can make you happy....you are the only one who can do that. Be understanding of others and their journey to live their lives the best way they know how. It won't always be easy, but it will be worth it. Life is a miraculous gift my son. Open yourself to the learning and endless possibilities. Never hold back telling people you love them, even when they do not seem to care or want to hear it. You are a blessing to this world you live in and will inspire others as you have inspired me every second of my life since you blessed it. Be strong but never be afraid to show your tender side. Give people second chances. Write your own story and never ever let anyone write it for you. Forgive people for the hurt they cause your heart; not because their actions are ok in anyway, but because in not forgiving, the only person who is held prisoner is you. When you think you have failed...try again...and again and again and again. Hold your head high and never ever look down. Remember family, even when it is hard to see or feel, is the glue that can hold you together when you feel you are falling apart. Know that I will always and in all ways, support you and love you enough even for those times when you find it hard to love yourself.
Today, as I wrote about recently, I shake up my snow globe of memories, watching each one swirl around me from the past 18 years. Tomorrow, this phase of being mommie, changes to a new phase of Mom. Tomorrow morning I begin a new snowglobe of memories, building it snowflake by snowflake and I look forward to it with love and excitement. It isn't gone, it is just switching gears. I believe in you, I always have. I love you my Son. With every breath and beat of my heart....I love you and will always be here when you need me.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Gaia awakes
Sitting in my living room listening to Wayne Dyer and working on my book, I heard a whisper of someone calling my name. Silencing all sounds I listened for the voice who beckoned. Into my awareness came the sounds of my wind chimes singing their song, and a gentle beckoning from the nature spirits to come outside. Everything paused as I listened, as if spirit was holding it's breath anticipating my response. Quickly I grabbed my fleece and ventured outside into the suns glorious warmth and beauty, to sit on my deck stairs and open my soul to the beauty that surrounds me.
With eyes closed and face upturned to the tickling of the sun's rays I listened for who knows what. I just listened. Ever so faintly I heard it. A spiritual stretching of Gaia. In my mind and inner ears I perceived Her, stirring from her long winter's slumber. She wakes! I smiled, as I envisioned Her wiggling her toes, yawning and stretching her spirit to feel the call to awaken. A smile drifted across my face as I heard her giggling at my excitement. I too stretched from my hibernation, letting all sounds and sensations wash over me like a refreshing wayshower. I heard Her giggle louder as She whispered of snooze alarms and drifting back off peacefully for a nap here and there before finally alighting from her dreams. Like a child waking her mother in the early morning hours, I am cautioned to be still and rest a little longer, allowing her time to wake gently and peacefully instead of jumping off her bed and into her movements. Also like a child I giddily and not so patiently await for our Earth Mother to flash her knowing grin and rise full into her glory, and to take my hand to walk with me. So blessed are we in nature, to feel and hear the call of awakening. My spirit is grateful for the calling of One so loving and giving, who beckoned me from her waking winter sleep.
With eyes closed and face upturned to the tickling of the sun's rays I listened for who knows what. I just listened. Ever so faintly I heard it. A spiritual stretching of Gaia. In my mind and inner ears I perceived Her, stirring from her long winter's slumber. She wakes! I smiled, as I envisioned Her wiggling her toes, yawning and stretching her spirit to feel the call to awaken. A smile drifted across my face as I heard her giggling at my excitement. I too stretched from my hibernation, letting all sounds and sensations wash over me like a refreshing wayshower. I heard Her giggle louder as She whispered of snooze alarms and drifting back off peacefully for a nap here and there before finally alighting from her dreams. Like a child waking her mother in the early morning hours, I am cautioned to be still and rest a little longer, allowing her time to wake gently and peacefully instead of jumping off her bed and into her movements. Also like a child I giddily and not so patiently await for our Earth Mother to flash her knowing grin and rise full into her glory, and to take my hand to walk with me. So blessed are we in nature, to feel and hear the call of awakening. My spirit is grateful for the calling of One so loving and giving, who beckoned me from her waking winter sleep.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
my Snow globe of memories
Yesterday was a miracle of Divine guidance and insight for me. Through the snowstorm I traveled to my friends to have a mini retreat and spend the day in friendship and embracing present moments. Feeling a little "off" I wondered what the day would bring and where my attentions and perceptions would take me. It took awhile, as we talked, laughed and ate lunch, before we settled into our beautiful peaceful place. One thing lead to another as we cut out things that called to us from magazines to make collages. Every one I was drawn to had ocean colors all through them. Of course in light of the snowstorm that blew around us it drew me to my thoughts of wanting...no, that's not quite right....NEEDING spring. Something was beginning to tickle my perception as if someone was poking at me with a feather. Staring out of the window at the large fluffy snowflakes swirling around on the breath of Winter Maker, I could not get a grasp on what was poking at my consciousness. On our merry way we went for awhile as a topic of conversation took shape, smacking me in the forehead of realization like a 2x4. My beautiful friend and I were lead into a discussion of our teenagers, which lead to talk of the oldest of my angels turning 18 and beginning his new found, rapidly approaching adult adventure. Emotions bubbled to the surface as Jen and I acknowledged the tears and emotions rolling off us like a rushing yet cleansing waterfall. The new path for me sparked her memory of her recent journey with her daughter graduating and going off to college. Sometimes apparently I need a pitcher to the head, and this was exactly what I got. I pulled myself together as pictures were forming in my head, orchestrated by nature's playful spirit outside the window, so I bundled up and went outside to listen to the silence of nature, connect with the message and feel Wind Maker's breath on my face. As I stood there watching the swirling dervish of snowflakes dancing through the air, I perceived in them Memories of my son. One by one they drifted and swirled.....each snowflake representing a memory of his journey. My mind would focus on one snowflake....in it I saw his first breath of life, in another...his first laugh...yet others his first word, first day of school and on and on it went until my heart and mind were full of the beautiful moments I have been blessed with. As I stood there in the middle of my winter storm snow globe of memories crying, I held out my hand to catch one here and there, then watched them quickly melt in the heat of my hand only to vanish in a mini puddle of remembrance. Again shifting my gaze to the spiral of snowflakes, I noticed some were sneaking down the back of my collar to melt onto my shoulders, others danced into my jacket and melted near my throat, while a few tricked down and gave up their secrets near my heart. Yet another glance downward showed my my coat full of white snowflake kisses that did not melt, but filled my coat like a patchwork quilt of David memories. These did not melt, but stayed visible and perfect in their patterns, leaving me contemplating which would ones always stay whole and there for me to glance at with a simple look. All over those special snowflakes were the boy who was the first to change my whole life and bless my world all the way up to visions of the amazing young man he has become. Even more hinted at landing there, but weren't quite ready to become part of that memory quilt.....the man he will become in the future was still not ready to alight but they silently made a promise to land there in the future, and I lovingly await them filling my heart when the time is right for them to come to me.
Here is yet another...maybe more profound epiphanie: In my need for warmer weather to kiss my winter weary spirit, and my focus on wishing it here faster than Divine Timing sees fit, I am wishing away my last days of my first pre-adult child. Winter is just weather and temperature! Yes I am a summer soul who craves the embrace of warmth and the touch of the sunlight, and I certainly accept and embrace that in me, however, I must temper that drive to time warp, remembering that in doing that I am wishing away some very precious fading moments of my sons childhood. Every single moment is precious and worth dancing with.
Eventually I landed back inside telling my dear friend about my visions and experience, in a much different place than before I wandered out into wind maker and Old man winter's playground. At anytime through the coming years I can choose to shake up my memory snow globe and watch the memories swirl around for my private viewing, until I am ready to let them settle again for a later shake. My children are the colors of the rainbow that fill my spirit with love and absolute beauty. Each and every one of them will have their own private snow globe that will forever rest within my heart and mind for a shake here and there. Once again I am blessed with being in a place where I refuse to wish even one second away. Instead I embrace them like a new mother holding her child for the first time. In each moment I will look it in the eye and breathe in the perfection of the grand I AM with a smile...and maybe a tear in my eye. My son....and my daughter...and son and son....you I pray one day will see the beauty and joy you have given me every second of every day of my life. Until that day I will keep it all close to my beating heart as the legacy I am hopefully leaving you.
Here is yet another...maybe more profound epiphanie: In my need for warmer weather to kiss my winter weary spirit, and my focus on wishing it here faster than Divine Timing sees fit, I am wishing away my last days of my first pre-adult child. Winter is just weather and temperature! Yes I am a summer soul who craves the embrace of warmth and the touch of the sunlight, and I certainly accept and embrace that in me, however, I must temper that drive to time warp, remembering that in doing that I am wishing away some very precious fading moments of my sons childhood. Every single moment is precious and worth dancing with.
Eventually I landed back inside telling my dear friend about my visions and experience, in a much different place than before I wandered out into wind maker and Old man winter's playground. At anytime through the coming years I can choose to shake up my memory snow globe and watch the memories swirl around for my private viewing, until I am ready to let them settle again for a later shake. My children are the colors of the rainbow that fill my spirit with love and absolute beauty. Each and every one of them will have their own private snow globe that will forever rest within my heart and mind for a shake here and there. Once again I am blessed with being in a place where I refuse to wish even one second away. Instead I embrace them like a new mother holding her child for the first time. In each moment I will look it in the eye and breathe in the perfection of the grand I AM with a smile...and maybe a tear in my eye. My son....and my daughter...and son and son....you I pray one day will see the beauty and joy you have given me every second of every day of my life. Until that day I will keep it all close to my beating heart as the legacy I am hopefully leaving you.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Kim's closet of anxieties take one
Well, the blog/writing bug has bitten again and it must be scratched lol. Some creepies from my closet of anxiety are crawling out and apparently I can no longer kick them back into their hiding space, so instead I am going to embrace my shadow side. The thoughts that are poking at me will not get better until I stare them in the face, so today I am going to enter into an intuitive staring match and see who comes out the victor.
Increasingly lately I find that things are bothering me and stealing some of my peace. They have no right to any part of me, never mind stealing so look out, there's a new sheriff in town and she carries a baseball bat!
Being an empath and intuitive can be a double edged sword. It is amazing to be guided to help people and it is also a gift of epic proportions, one I eagerly unwrap everyday like a child on christmas morning. More and more I am seeing how very many happily ignore the work they came to do...or need to do by filling their time with busy-ness. Now, I am all for doing what brings you pleasure and encourage it daily! However, seeing some choose to ignore the calling to heal areas of their life that have been brought to their attention has been aggravating me....greatly. Especially those who have come to me for guidance. It is all part of my learning. When I first jumped on this mighty steed of seeking to help others heal, it was difficult for me to step aside once we broke into a hardy gallop. In time I grew into acceptance that it was not my responsibility to make sure they "get it," but merely to lead them to a beautiful path of healing and lovingly send them off to choose their journey. Lately I am not so good at it. There are those who began an amazing journey and healing process and apparently have decided to turn tail and run the other way as if the flames of hell were licking at their heals. Instead of doing the work, they choose to bury it under the back porch. Oh I have been there...PLENTY! But now, I am not, which is amazing for me, but that is my journey. Still, there are times I want to grab people and shake them til their teeth rattle and say ...well we won';t get into that part lol. Often I tell people that the longer your rotting fruit stays in the fridge the smellier and more rotten it gets and when they do decide to throw it out it will not only be a messier affair it will smell up their house. Now I know all the right sayings and thoughts like, it is their issue not mine, you can lead the horse to water and all that profound wisdom, hell I preach it. But there are times that much more colorful sayings come to mind!
So as I sat with this putrid fruit of my own, and the fruit flies started swarming my head lol, I decided to go sit outside and swat at them while I plugged my nose at the smell :) The wind is picking up out there and my attention was drawn to my wind chimes who are happily singing their tune for any within a close enough range to hear. What were they singing of? Acceptance! true acceptance. Guess what that really is? It is the lack of expectation! Yup I can accept and embrace free will free choice and acceptance. I accept everyone with their good bad and ugly. What I have been forgetting is that with that needs to come a lack of EXPECTation. You can help people learn exactly what they need to hear and know and know that it will change their life in more ways than they can possibly imagine. But where we (well I) have got caught up is in the expectation that they will want to make those changes and dig out under the porch to rid themselves of the stink and fruit flies. So why does this nag at me so lately? For one thing, times are changing and we can either willingly take the steps or we can get thrown under the bus by change eventually. For another, Personally I am right there with wanting to fix myself (Tim the toolman at it's best sometimes lol). But, that...is my journey and choice. What can I do about wanting to poke people in the eye at times while I sing the wake up song? Well! I can remove in a sense the cause of the irritation by choosing not to read their silly posts about how their life is miserable or the constant game posts, and RE=member they are on their own journey and that means they get to CHOOSE whether to awaken or stay slumbering. ahaaaaaaaa! I thought I was doing that until it got a little personal! Not so easy is it then Kim?! lol That's ok because now I am staring down my shadow side with my poker face, or it could be the mother look my kids raz me about so much heehee.
Another point of contention with me are friends who have been constant for years who seem to either be backing away slowing or running like hell. Again so easy to teach about, until it gets personal. Instead of being hurt and sore about it, I choose to accept it. I have changed in a million ways in the past 4 years and I accept that it may not be a comfortable feeling to others that liked me just as I was before the shift. Heart pain is a choice. So is acceptance. No more shoving the creepies into the back of my closet of anxieties. Today I took them out and danced with them and let them go on their merry way when we were done.
Not a very poetic thought process but empowering and all done in love. Now there is room in my closet for clothes again...maybe I should actually go pull them out of the baskets and put them there. lol. One last thought...I love you all and I accept you hook line and sinker, whether you choose to bite the hook, cling to the line with your nose above water or hang on the sinker and stay underwater. <3
Increasingly lately I find that things are bothering me and stealing some of my peace. They have no right to any part of me, never mind stealing so look out, there's a new sheriff in town and she carries a baseball bat!
Being an empath and intuitive can be a double edged sword. It is amazing to be guided to help people and it is also a gift of epic proportions, one I eagerly unwrap everyday like a child on christmas morning. More and more I am seeing how very many happily ignore the work they came to do...or need to do by filling their time with busy-ness. Now, I am all for doing what brings you pleasure and encourage it daily! However, seeing some choose to ignore the calling to heal areas of their life that have been brought to their attention has been aggravating me....greatly. Especially those who have come to me for guidance. It is all part of my learning. When I first jumped on this mighty steed of seeking to help others heal, it was difficult for me to step aside once we broke into a hardy gallop. In time I grew into acceptance that it was not my responsibility to make sure they "get it," but merely to lead them to a beautiful path of healing and lovingly send them off to choose their journey. Lately I am not so good at it. There are those who began an amazing journey and healing process and apparently have decided to turn tail and run the other way as if the flames of hell were licking at their heals. Instead of doing the work, they choose to bury it under the back porch. Oh I have been there...PLENTY! But now, I am not, which is amazing for me, but that is my journey. Still, there are times I want to grab people and shake them til their teeth rattle and say ...well we won';t get into that part lol. Often I tell people that the longer your rotting fruit stays in the fridge the smellier and more rotten it gets and when they do decide to throw it out it will not only be a messier affair it will smell up their house. Now I know all the right sayings and thoughts like, it is their issue not mine, you can lead the horse to water and all that profound wisdom, hell I preach it. But there are times that much more colorful sayings come to mind!
So as I sat with this putrid fruit of my own, and the fruit flies started swarming my head lol, I decided to go sit outside and swat at them while I plugged my nose at the smell :) The wind is picking up out there and my attention was drawn to my wind chimes who are happily singing their tune for any within a close enough range to hear. What were they singing of? Acceptance! true acceptance. Guess what that really is? It is the lack of expectation! Yup I can accept and embrace free will free choice and acceptance. I accept everyone with their good bad and ugly. What I have been forgetting is that with that needs to come a lack of EXPECTation. You can help people learn exactly what they need to hear and know and know that it will change their life in more ways than they can possibly imagine. But where we (well I) have got caught up is in the expectation that they will want to make those changes and dig out under the porch to rid themselves of the stink and fruit flies. So why does this nag at me so lately? For one thing, times are changing and we can either willingly take the steps or we can get thrown under the bus by change eventually. For another, Personally I am right there with wanting to fix myself (Tim the toolman at it's best sometimes lol). But, that...is my journey and choice. What can I do about wanting to poke people in the eye at times while I sing the wake up song? Well! I can remove in a sense the cause of the irritation by choosing not to read their silly posts about how their life is miserable or the constant game posts, and RE=member they are on their own journey and that means they get to CHOOSE whether to awaken or stay slumbering. ahaaaaaaaa! I thought I was doing that until it got a little personal! Not so easy is it then Kim?! lol That's ok because now I am staring down my shadow side with my poker face, or it could be the mother look my kids raz me about so much heehee.
Another point of contention with me are friends who have been constant for years who seem to either be backing away slowing or running like hell. Again so easy to teach about, until it gets personal. Instead of being hurt and sore about it, I choose to accept it. I have changed in a million ways in the past 4 years and I accept that it may not be a comfortable feeling to others that liked me just as I was before the shift. Heart pain is a choice. So is acceptance. No more shoving the creepies into the back of my closet of anxieties. Today I took them out and danced with them and let them go on their merry way when we were done.
Not a very poetic thought process but empowering and all done in love. Now there is room in my closet for clothes again...maybe I should actually go pull them out of the baskets and put them there. lol. One last thought...I love you all and I accept you hook line and sinker, whether you choose to bite the hook, cling to the line with your nose above water or hang on the sinker and stay underwater. <3
Thursday, February 23, 2012
scattered
My thoughts are scattered this morning, randomly flitting here and there. I feel like I am everywhere and nowhere all at once. Physically my body sits in this chair with my fingers dancing across the keyboard and yet, my consciousness is somewhere out "there." Some distant place, or message beckons like a lighthouse beacon calling me into shore to rest awhile in the safety of some unseen harbor. Trying to peer through the fog, I strain to hear the waves washing ashore on a rocky shoal so that I can discern just where my spirit is being called to. Inspiration flows through me beckoning me forward to put some sort of words to paper that will ease this Divine call from beyond. Waiting. Listening. From somewhere far away I feel a tug at my heart pulling me into a warm loving place where spirit and soul can rest and just be. The pressure across the bridge of my nose feels as if someone is squeezing e in a vice grip as if to say "Pay attention!" This is my usual signal that a presence is speaking to me from across the veil and time and space.
"Good morning Beloved," I hear as I tune into the message that comes in gentle waves, touching my inner perception like gentle melodies that fill my heart. A thought occurs to me as I think I know someone is calling me but the caller ID is not working....just pick up the "phone" and say hello, someone will answer or maybe it is a wrong number. Am I tapping into a party line and merely discerning some distant conversation between spirit? Hmmm....Hello.......waiting......
from somewhere a thought bubble plops into my waiting mind....
It is about time you answered your phone Dear One, I have been dialing all morning. This Beloved child, is Gaia. Did you not call out to me this morning driving along, asking what message I had for you today? Did you truly believe I would not answer? ( I can hear giggling and feel the waves of love and laughter as She speaks of my preoccupation with the weather and wanting to not be cold.) Ahh my sweet summer child.....
It is only weather my dear! I feel you long for the warmth of the sun that you so dearly love, craving the blanket of comfort you remember so deeply on a soul level. I hear the thoughts you send forth, longing for the riches your ocean lays at your feet. It is coming Child, just a little longer. Can you feel it? Warmth is in the air and calling out to you. You can go there anytime you wish you know. Reach into your heart and journey to the arms of summer, where you can be embraced and gently kissed by the warm breeze and the sounds of the waves as they dance across the shore. Find your connection, it is there waiting for you. I know who you are and I know why you are here. Find your warmth within my tender heart and rest for awhile. Your Divine mission asks that you connect so that you can spread the warmth and sunshine to others who are in need. You are here to shine the light and love across the land you so love. Do you feel it now? Can you feel the welcoming embrace of your Earth Mother slowly creeping up through your body and spirit? Walk awhile with me my child as I cradle you to my heart and fill you with renewal and serenity. You are greatly loved and guided on this journey, even when you question or do not feel the love and support that is so lovingly reaching out to you. I am Gaia and this is my promise to you. Always you can come rest in my loving arms when you need to be cradled in safety and warmth. Always my arms are waiting to hold you and breathe peace across your waiting spirit. My only wish is that you share this with others so they can feel the warmth and love I have for them. You are all treasured my children. And so it is.
Slowly I feel the shivers in my body subside, washed away on some distant shore, leaving me filled with radiating warmth. A single tear tiptoes down my cheek, for the love that just filled me so completely. Grinning, I laugh at myself, finding humor in the intensity of my dislike of Winter Spirit's icy sense of humor. Soon He will retreat, leaving me to my summer companion. Until then I will wait and watch for the mantle of his cloak to disappear behind the suns golden rays. <3
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