Friday, January 25, 2013

sharing a peek into the book in the process...just a peek



Forward
I am not quite certain when or where the ride shifted leading me to this very moment of self- exploration.  All I do know is that it did, and the road to now has been an incredible and at many times, scary journey.  There were noticeable signposts along the way that were immediately recognizable:  my mother and best friend losing her life to Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), my marriage falling apart, a child in crisis, and my home going into foreclosure.  These were the landslides that burned themselves into my consciousness.  And yet, these were not the catalysts to my self discovery.  They were the byproduct of change.  They were the jump in with both feet blindfolded opportunities to growth.  The true catalysts were much more subtle and less recognizable from the vantage point of my limited view, until I began the incredible process of understanding.

Looking back from where I am now, the fog is beginning to life, no longer clouding my view behind a murky haze of awareness.  The veil parts, the curtain opens and the view opens up before me miraculously.  Why now?  Because I am ready for it.  From here I can tell you the view of the horizon is breath-taking. 

Digging Deep is about the journey of self-discovery.  Somewhere in the process we must dig down, exposing the roots that hold us firmly where we are in order to move to another place.  Maybe, just maybe, the place where we are meant to be.  I strongly believe that in order to really understand and heal, we have to take everything back to the root of its growth, back to the moment of its seeding.  Everything happens for a reason.  There are no coincidences.  I believe that with my whole soul.  Many are learning now that even physical ailments and disease have underlying causes and lessons within them.  We can use lotions, potions and pills to alleviate the discomfort and symptoms, but these things do not cure the malady.  They are merely band- aids that make it all manageable.  For a while.  Eventually the Band-Aid falls off, leaving us right back where we started.  We can either replace the Band-Aids or we can heal the wound or the sickness.

If we truly want to heal and grow, we need to put on our archeologist hat and begin to dig in the dirt.  Do you remember digging in the dirt when you were a child?  For me, it was a time of exploration and fun.  The messier the better!  When I played in the dirt, or better yet, the mud, it was exhilarating.  My thoughts wandered to what I would find, how would it feel, and I didn’t care one bit how messy I got doing it!  Where did that childhood excitement for exploration go?  It got buried in the avalanche of life situations and growing up.  Did you ever dig around the exposed roots of a tree or move the dirt with your hands exploring just where they went?  I could sit forever under a tree doing just that.  Little did I know someday I would embark on a similar mission of a more spiritual nature.  Trees and their roots have so much they can teach us if we can only begin to move the dirt from around them, exposing their lessons that lie below the surface of what we perceive as solid ground.

I can’t promise you that it will always be easy or that you won’t bang up your knuckles, here and there.  What I can promise you from personal experience is that it will be worth it.  It will open your eyes to miracles that were previously hidden from view.  I hope you will find something to inspire you within these pages.  Come sit with me under the tree for a while.  Bring your child-like curiosity and some digging tools.  Every journal begins with a single step and every treasure needs to be unearthed and dusted off in order to see its beauty and worth.  Welcome my friends, to discovery. 


On this frigid morning I feel the desire to write and dedicate this to an amazingly beautiful friend of mine, for within her journey there is such profound beauty and insight that I am inspired daily to reach for the stars and become a better me than I was the day before.  Kim, for you lady angel, with gratitude for the incredibly bright light and love you shine forth for others to warm their souls in.    

In our everyday lives we encounter so many people.  All can shine light in our darkened corners if we can step back and look from an different perspective.  Some yes, we need to truly work at not taking things personally and seeing what they bring to our table for learning about ourselves.  Some seemingly only bring negativity and drama, and yet, their is still beautiful lessons wrapped up in those people when we face the feelings and situations they present us within OURSELVES.  And still some blaze into our awareness and lives with a light that shines so brightly that there are times it is nearly blinding.  This morning I write in tribute to one such as this.  

Not so long ago I was blessed with the friendship of this beautiful soul who with her words, shares love and inspiration so completely that I quite literally look forward to her shares for the beauty and encouragement I find there.  Very quickly my soul recognized her as a kindred spirit and earth Angel who came to shine her light bright for all to see and to be positively affected.  And shine she does.  I speak often of being a lighthouse and what that means in a world where darkness is more readily recognized and embraced.  For me, and from what I have seen, this dear lady is one of the grandest brightest lighthouses I have had the pleasure of guiding me past rocky shores.

Something that occurred last night made me very sad.  Someone, upset this beacon of light with admonishments of continuing her present course in a sense, holds her back, when in fact it does exactly the opposite, propels her forward! My first thought was to encourage her as much as I could and still give the other person the benefit of trying to help.  I am not certain my wording conveyed my thoughts as well as they could have in a rush to run to her side in support and that has haunted me all night.  Now my thoughts go not only to wanting to shine an equal light on her amazing growth equal to that which she has done for mine, but I also sit and contemplate the need of some to negate other's growth with words and thoughts not carefully chosen.  Oh I know the mechanics and the reasons, hell I TEACH it!  still, it saddens my heart so deeply when I see it happening and am ineffectual in being able to smooth the journey for those who are doing the work to grow, change and share their story so others may benefit.  

Oh dear people, please give thought to your words and how they may hurt others.  Before you speak, examine your motive in the words you hang on another's soul.  There is enough negativity in this world and it is beyond time to look within instead of projecting outward.  The thoughts you share carry energy and weight.  Often times they are heavier than lead blocks.  Everyone is on their own journey, bares their own cross so to speak, and many that some carry would bring the average person to their knees.  

My heart is heavy and I hope deeply that these words can convey how profoundly this lady has affected me and convey my gratitude for her journey and brave sharing of her truth.  So dear lady to you I wish to say, do not let anyone rain their personal negativity on your beautiful soul and the light you share so freely and lovingly.  You are true to yourself and no one has the right to purge their personal stories on your heart.  You INSPIRE ME.  For that there are no words that even come close to expressing what that means to me in a world where I have struggled my whole life, only to grow to a seemingly parallel path in so many ways over the past 2 years.  I am blessed to call you friend.  Be true to you and what other people think is their issue not yours.  And I promise to stand by you and unconditional support and love you along your journey.  It is all I can give, and I give it freely.    You see, your light shines blindingly on me, illumining my path merely by you shining light on yours.  You are a teacher and a sage and for you, I am thankful.